Friday, March 15, 2013

Daenerys Targaryen / Jon Snow / Tyrion Lannister


Why Marry? Because while the Mother of Dragons may be calculating and violent in her desire to reclaim her birthright, she is nevertheless compassion, wise, even-keeled, and cares deeply for those who are loyal to her. She is also hailed as the most beautiful woman in the world: looks aren’t everything, but they sure don’t hurt.

Why F***? Because this ravishing beauty likes it hot… though probably hotter than you would be comfortable with, actually.

Why Kill? Because “the Targaryens have always danced too close to madness… madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a Targaryen is born, the gods toss a coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t like them odds.


Why Marry? Because while his past may be murky, his future is clearly with you. Jon is that tragic, broken hero we all believe we can fix—he’s angsty and emo, yet strong and intelligent. Like his father, Jon has honor that knows no bounds, and he would bravely dedicate his life to serving and protecting you. Also, he comes with a great big fluffy puppy!

Why F***? Because once you go black (brother) you never go back.

Why Kill? Because he just keeps going on, and on, and on about his vows. Yes, we know Jon, you’re “a man of the Night’s Watch”—it’s not that big a deal. Shut up!


Why Marry? Because you want a well-born, sophisticated man who can discuss books, politics, and fine wines as easily as he can crack a bawdy joke. He has demonstrated tremendous intelligence, bravery, and compassion. He is also loyal to those close to him: despite being the black sheep of the Lannister clan, Tyrion prides himself on “never betting against family.”

Why F***? Because you like to get a little impish between the sheets.

Why Kill? Because he’s a noseless dwarf who’s pissed off a whole lot of powerful people: allying with him may not be a particularly savvy move.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Daenerys, F*** Jon, Kill Tyrion
Erin: Marry Jon, F*** Danenerys, Kill Tyrion
Jamie: Marry Tyrion, F*** Daenerys, Kill Jon


  1. Marry Daenerys, Fuck Tyrion, Kill Jon

    Sorry Jon, I like you a lot, but you also bore me. Tyrion, though a two-pump chump at times, still seems like he knows what he'd doing. Dany wins because duh.

  2. M: Tyrion, F: Jon, K: Dany
    Tyrion is smarter than Jon and can play the game. While I would love to hang out with Ghost, and Jon does have great hair, he is often kind of annoying. Tyrion has fewer principles, which translates into better living.
    Dany is just trouble. Her life is one giant crisis. I also just hate the heat, and she is really into extremely hot temperatures.

  3. This is a really hard one, because these are three of my favorite characters. I'll have to say:

    M Jon, because then I get to have Ghost for my co-direwolf, and because not only do I get Jon for my very own, but I get to F**K him all I want.

    F Tyrion, why? Because I really don't want to kill him even if I don't necessarily want to F**K him--unless he really IS Peter Dinklage, then, by golly, boink away!

    K Dany, because though I love her, she has dragons, and she's hot, she's a Targaryen, so she will inevitably end up insane. Better put her out now before she starts sticking my family into iron maidens or something.