Friday, March 1, 2013

Renly Baratheon / Robert Baratheon / Stannis Baratheon

Renly Baratheon

Why marry? Because you want a nice (if somewhat foolish) husband who will probably let you have something on the side if you will permit him the same luxury.

Why f***? Because you’re a gay man. (Also, he’s certainly easy on the eyes; he has the Ser Loras seal of approval.)

Why kill? Because you're a mysterious magical shadow born of a foreign sorceress.

Robert Baratheon

Why marry? Because he’s a king, which comes with its perks. And while he’ll almost certainly not be loyal to you, chances are if you’re not a venomous hag like Cersei Lannister then he won’t be terrible to you or your children. 

Why f***? Because if you’re a woman in Westeros, he’s probably already gotten to you anyway. (Besides, he’s probably picked up a few tricks in his bedroom/brothel adventures.)

Why kill? Because you’re a wild boar. 

Stannis Baratheon

Why marry? Because there’s something to be said for stability and security. Stannis is about as stable and secure (also: boring) as they come.

Why f***? Because of these three options, you just want to pick the one that would be over with the fastest.

Why kill? Because he’s a pompous, stubborn jackass.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Renly, F*** Stannis, Kill Robert
Erin: Marry Renly, F*** Stannis, Kill Robert 
Jamie: Marry Renly, F*** Stannis, Kill Robert


  1. M Renly
    F Robert (hey, after all those women, he has to know something, right?)
    K Stannis (because not only is he an ass, he's been in Melisandre's scary snatch.)

  2. I super like Renly and Stannis, but for marriage I'd rather go with just and stable Stannis. Renly would probably be good in bed (or at least he looks pretty handsome), and Robert can go get dead for all I care.

  3. Wow, interesting results. Stannis does not seem like he'd be fun in bed at. Kill. Robert probably is, but seems like a disaster as a husband. Renly is handsome and beloved by his people. I'm totally fine with an open marriage.