Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Brienne of Tarth / Jorah Mormont / Tyrion Lannister

Brienne of Tarth

Why Marry? Because Brienne is nothing if not loyal. She would undoubtedly risk everything to protect -- and please -- those she loves. She's also pretty handy with a sword, which, in Westeros, cannot be undervalued.

Why F***? Because she has a lot of pent-up passion in that lumbering body of hers. A lot. She's also pretty athletic and surprisingly nimble, which might translate well in the bedroom.

Why Kill? Because she's a little too eager to please. And her unwavering allegiance to Renly would get really old really fast.

Jorah Mormont

Why Marry? Because Jorah has proven himself a devoted companion and will offer both protection and advice. And, although his marriage to Lynesse isn't going too great, it's not for lack of effort -- or expensive gifts -- on his part.

Why F***? Because he is eager to please and somewhat starved for love, which means he's likely to try his very hardest (pun intended) in the sack.

Why Kill? Because he is an exiled knight and a former slave trader, both of which bring into question his morals. Also, that whole "tattling on Dany's comings and goings to Varys" thing suggests that his loyalty may be easily sold to the highest bidder.

Tyrion Lannister

Why Marry? Because he's clearly the best of the Lannisters, even if he doesn't share their good looks. Tyrion is witty, intelligent, and charming, and though he can be cruel at times, he also possesses a great deal of empathy, due to his own experience as the butt of many jokes.

Why F***? Because even though he's not a "whole man," Tyrion has had a lot of practice in the bedroom, and takes great pride in satisfying his women, whores or otherwise.

Why Kill? Because Tyrion may be too cunning for his own good... or yours. They say when you play the game of thrones, you win or you die, and if Tyrion has decided that you're not going to win, then it's probably better to kill him before he can get to you.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Tyrion, F*** Jorah, Kill Brienne
Erin: Marry Tyrion, F*** Jorah, Kill Brienne
Jamie: Marry Tyrion, F*** Brienne, Kill Jorah


  1. M: Jorah, F: Tyrion, K: Brienne
    So, Tyrion is a witty genius and all, but Jorah is the best. Flawed, but great. You can tell that he has a good heart, and, whereas Tyrion's emotional damage seems irreparable at this point, Jorah's doesn't. Also, he's tall and masculine. And I think he has more than made up for his disloyalty.
    I approve of Brienne and her emotional strength in theory, but she is actually annoying. Kill her.

    1. Jorah is a smoldering silver fox as well.

  2. M Brienne so she will always protect you
    F Jorah
    K Jorah after you've F'ed him because he's treacherous underneath that noble exterior.

    then M Tyrion, because he is fab.

  3. HE WAS A SLAVE TRADER! He traded HUMAN PEOPLE! Fuck Jorah... and by that I mean "kill Jorah."

  4. This was a tough one. Marry Jorah, because he loves SO HARD (I also identify a lot with him, and hate myself, so he was almost my kill). F Brienne, because tall muscular women turn me on, sue me. Kill Tyrion. I love the guy but he is last on this list. Im sure he would understand (or accept his fate like a man).