Daenerys
Why Marry? Because while
the Mother of Dragons may be calculating and violent in her desire to reclaim
her birthright, she is nevertheless compassion, wise, even-keeled, and cares
deeply for those who are loyal to her. She is also hailed as the most beautiful
woman in the world: looks aren’t everything, but they sure don’t hurt.
Why F***? Because this
ravishing beauty likes it hot… though probably hotter
than you would be comfortable with, actually.
Why Kill? Because “the Targaryens have always danced too close
to madness… madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a
Targaryen is born, the gods toss a coin in the air and the world holds its
breath to see how it will land.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t like them
odds.
Jon
Why Marry? Because while
his past may be murky, his future is clearly with you. Jon is that tragic,
broken hero we all believe we can fix—he’s angsty and emo, yet strong and
intelligent. Like his father, Jon has honor that knows no bounds, and he would bravely
dedicate his life to serving and protecting you. Also, he comes with a great
big fluffy puppy!
Why F***? Because once you
go black (brother) you never go back.
Why Kill? Because he just
keeps going on, and on, and on about his vows. Yes, we know Jon, you’re “a man
of the Night’s Watch”—it’s not that big a deal. Shut up!
Tyrion
Why Marry? Because you want
a well-born, sophisticated man who can discuss books, politics, and fine wines
as easily as he can crack a bawdy joke. He has demonstrated tremendous
intelligence, bravery, and compassion. He is also loyal to those close to him:
despite being the black sheep of the Lannister clan, Tyrion prides himself on “never
betting against family.”
Why F***? Because you
like to get a little impish between the sheets.
Why Kill? Because he’s a
noseless dwarf who’s pissed off a whole lot of powerful people: allying with
him may not be a particularly savvy move.
Our Picks
Cedar: Marry Daenerys, F*** Jon, Kill Tyrion
Erin: Marry Jon, F*** Danenerys, Kill Tyrion
Jamie: Marry Tyrion, F*** Daenerys, Kill Jon
Daenerys Targaryen
Why Marry? Because Dany is confident, beautiful, ambitious, and, arguably, the rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. How awesome would it be to stand by her side as she reclaims the throne? Also, she has dragons.
Why F***? Because she has become well-versed in the language of the bedroom through her marriage to Khal Drogo and thorough instruction from Doreah. She's also stunningly attractive.
Why Kill? Because as her confidence has grown, so has her determination to get what she wants at any cost. Dany has left many dead or damaged in her wake, and if she sees you as an obstacle to reaching the Iron Throne, you're likely to become one of them. Did I mention she has dragons?!
Margaery Tyrell
Why Marry? Because who wouldn't want to married to the most beautiful woman in Westeros? Margaery is also kind, smart, and more clever than she appears.
Why F***? Because taking the maidenhood of the most beautiful woman in Westeros is the next best thing to marrying her.
Why Kill? Because the Tyrells have thorns hidden behind those rosy exteriors, and they are less pliable and predictable than they originally appear.
Ygritte
Why Marry? Because she's spontaneous, fun to be around, and good-humored. If you want a strong, confident wildling woman, Ygritte's your gal!
Why F***? Because her passion is as fiery as her hair. She's experienced and insatiable, and has probably picked up some tricks during her adventures beyond the Wall.
Why Kill? Because she's an unpredictable wildling and killing is in her blood.
Our Picks
Cedar: Marry Dany, F*** Margaery, Kill Ygritte
Erin: Marry Dany, F*** Margaery, Kill Ygritte
Jamie: Marry Margaery, F*** Dany, Kill Ygritte
Roose Bolton
Why Marry? Because when it comes to Roose Bolton, it's much better to be with him than against him. He is clever and skilled both on and off the battlefield and holds family in high regard.
Why F***? Because as a proponent of the "Lord's Right" marriage tradition, Roose has much practice in bedding newlywed maidens. He's also described as "soft hairless," if that's your thing.
Why Kill? Because Roose Bolton is arguably one of the cruelest men in Westeros. If you cross him, you're likely to get flayed, as his sigil forewarns. He's also really into leechings. Gross.
Sandor "The Hound" Clegane
Why Marry? Because he is strong and obedient, and behind that mutilated exterior is a glimmer of kindness, as evidenced by his saving Sansa multiple times from potential torture, rape, and murder.
Why F***? Because although he may not be the prettiest thing to look at, the Hound needs someone to lick his wounds, so to speak. Years of being ridiculed and hated have undoubtedly taken their toll, and all that pent-up frustration and anger may make for a wild night in bed.
Why Kill? Because at the end of the day, the Hound is brutal and dangerous. He has been killing men since he was 12, and old habits die hard.
Viserys Targaryen
Why Marry? Because if you care about family lineage, Viserys is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, and marrying him could make you queen.
Why F***? Because Viserys has the beautiful silver-blond hair and purple eyes of the Targaryen clan. And if you call him your "king" in the bedroom, you could be in for a fulfilling night.
Why Kill? Because Viserys can be vicious and abusive, particularly if you do something that "awakens the dragon." His steadfast belief in his right to the Iron Throne causes him to insult or attack anyone who challenges that conviction.
Our Picks
Cedar: Marry The Hound, F*** Roose Bolton, Kill Viserys
Erin: Marry The Hound, F*** Viserys, Kill Roose Bolton
Jamie: Marry The Hound, F*** Roose Bolton, Kill Viserys
