Daenerys Targaryen / Margaery Tyrell / Ygritte

Daenerys Targaryen

Why Marry? Because Dany is confident, beautiful, ambitious, and, arguably, the rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. How awesome would it be to stand by her side as she reclaims the throne? Also, she has dragons.

Why F***? Because she has become well-versed in the language of the bedroom through her marriage to Khal Drogo and thorough instruction from Doreah. She's also stunningly attractive.

Why Kill? Because as her confidence has grown, so has her determination to get what she wants at any cost. Dany has left many dead or damaged in her wake, and if she sees you as an obstacle to reaching the Iron Throne, you're likely to become one of them. Did I mention she has dragons?!

Margaery Tyrell

Why Marry? Because who wouldn't want to married to the most beautiful woman in Westeros? Margaery is also kind, smart, and more clever than she appears.

Why F***? Because taking the maidenhood of the most beautiful woman in Westeros is the next best thing to marrying her.

Why Kill? Because the Tyrells have thorns hidden behind those rosy exteriors, and they are less pliable and predictable than they originally appear.

Ygritte

Why Marry? Because she's spontaneous, fun to be around, and good-humored. If you want a strong, confident wildling woman, Ygritte's your gal!

Why F***? Because her passion is as fiery as her hair. She's experienced and insatiable, and has probably picked up some tricks during her adventures beyond the Wall.

Why Kill? Because she's an unpredictable wildling and killing is in her blood.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Dany, F*** Margaery, Kill Ygritte
Erin: Marry Dany, F*** Margaery, Kill Ygritte
Jamie: Marry Margaery, F*** Dany, Kill Ygritte

Roose Bolton / Sandor "The Hound" Clegane / Viserys Targaryen

Roose Bolton

Why Marry? Because when it comes to Roose Bolton, it's much better to be with him than against him. He is clever and skilled both on and off the battlefield and holds family in high regard.

Why F***? Because as a proponent of the "Lord's Right" marriage tradition, Roose has much practice in bedding newlywed maidens. He's also described as "soft hairless," if that's your thing.

Why Kill? Because Roose Bolton is arguably one of the cruelest men in Westeros. If you cross him, you're likely to get flayed, as his sigil forewarns. He's also really into leechings. Gross.

Sandor "The Hound" Clegane

Why Marry? Because he is strong and obedient, and behind that mutilated exterior is a glimmer of kindness, as evidenced by his saving Sansa multiple times from potential torture, rape, and murder.

Why F***? Because although he may not be the prettiest thing to look at, the Hound needs someone to lick his wounds, so to speak. Years of being ridiculed and hated have undoubtedly taken their toll, and all that pent-up frustration and anger may make for a wild night in bed.

Why Kill? Because at the end of the day, the Hound is brutal and dangerous. He has been killing men since he was 12, and old habits die hard.

Viserys Targaryen

Why Marry? Because if you care about family lineage, Viserys is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, and marrying him could make you queen.

Why F***? Because Viserys has the beautiful silver-blond hair and purple eyes of the Targaryen clan. And if you call him your "king" in the bedroom, you could be in for a fulfilling night.

Why Kill? Because Viserys can be vicious and abusive, particularly if you do something that "awakens the dragon." His steadfast belief in his right to the Iron Throne causes him to insult or attack anyone who challenges that conviction.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry The Hound, F*** Roose Bolton, Kill Viserys
Erin: Marry The Hound, F*** Viserys, Kill Roose Bolton
Jamie: Marry The Hound, F*** Roose Bolton, Kill Viserys

Bronn / Davos Seaworth / Jaqen H'gar

Bronn

Why Marry? Because even though he is a knave-ish sellsword, Bronn is clever and witty. If you’re good to him, he’ll be good to you… unless something better comes along.

Why F***? Because you like bad boys and greasy hair.

Why Kill? Because he’s been killing since before he could shave.

 

Davos Seaworth

 










Why Marry? Because Davos is the epitome of loyalty. He is a loving father and husband and just oozes decency.

Why F***? Because he may be a Boy Scout these days, but he used to be a pirate so… yar. 

Why Kill? Because you are freaked out by his severed finger necklace. Seriously? Just let ‘em go.

Jaqen H'ghar

 










Why Marry? Because he has the seemingly magical ability to give you whatever you ask of him. He’d also kill for you… literally.

Why F***? Because you want to knock boots with someone who can look like Jon Snow, Jaime Lannister, and/or Daenerys Targaryen. 

Why Kill? Valar Morghulis.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Davos, F*** Jaqen, Kill Bronn
Erin: Marry Davos, F*** Jaqen, Kill Bronn
Jamie: Marry Davos, F*** Jaqen, Kill Bronn

Cersei Lannister / Lysa Arryn / Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish

Cersei Lannister

Why Marry? Because she is Queen regent and a prominent member of an extremely powerful family—marrying her could be an advantageous political move.

Why F***? Because she is one of the fairest ladies in the land.

 

Why Kill? Because the Maester General has determined that being married to Cersei is hazardous to your health. And unless you're Jaime, you are not her bedroom type. Also: she's Cersei Lannister. Come on now.

 

 

 

Lysa Arryn

 

 

Why Marry? Because even though Lysa is a neurotic psychopath, she’s pretty easily manipulated if you play your cards right (though you have to be okay with playing second fiddle to Little Lord Robert). Also, as she’s Catelyn’s sister, you would have a good excuse to go hang out with the Starks if you wanted to!

Why F***? Because Lysa is completely love-starved and all that longing would probably make for a fun time.

Why Kill? Because the woman is completely insufferable.

 

 

 

Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish

 

 

Why Marry? Because he has worked his way up from a backwater lordling to one of the most powerful men in Westeros: this guy is a master player and allying yourself with him may not be a bad bet. If you truly believe yourself to be in his good graces his scheming could get you places.

Why F***? Because he’s a quick study, and has probably picked up a few good tips in the brothel he owns.

Why Kill? Because as Ned Stark learned too late, Littlefinger is dangerous. If you leave him alive, you will always have to be on your toes.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Cersei, F*** Lysa, Kill Littlefinger

Erin: Marry Lysa, F*** Cersei, Kill Littlefinger

Jamie:  Marry Lysa, F*** Cersei, Kill Littlefinger

 

Asha Greyjoy / Sansa Stark / Ygritte

Asha Greyjoy

Why Marry? Because you want to marry a smart, assertive, modern woman who can wield an ax and a helm.

Why F****? Because homegirl is uninhibited as hell.

Why Kill? Because she probably has precisely zero qualms about killing you.

Sansa Stark

Why Marry? Because Sansa Stark was born to be a wife. At least that’s how she sees it, which is just as good. Sansa wants to dote on you, have your babies, and manage your castle while smiling politely and humming love songs.

Why F***? Because she’s a pretty lady full of romantic notions and a desire to please.

Why Kill? Because all that romance can be exhausting and annoying… and because you still haven’t forgiven her for what went down on the steps of the Great Sept of Baelor.

 

Ygritte

 








Why Marry? Because you won over this spearwife by capturing her by force, which is a lot less creepy beyond the Wall than it sounds.

Why F***? Because she is insatiable and kissed by fire.

Why Kill? Because Qhorin Halfhand implied that you probably should.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Ygritte, F*** Asha, Kill Sansa
Erin: Marry Asha, F*** Ygritte, Kill Sansa
Jamie: Marry Asha, F*** Ygritte, Kill Sansa

 

Gendry / Khal Drogo / Loras Tyrell

Gendry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Marry? Because Gendry will stand by those he loves, as evidenced by all of the risks he's taken for Arya's sake. He will likely be a dedicated family man and, as a talented blacksmith, a reliable provider.

 

Why F***? Because all that blacksmithing has turned Gendry into a muscular young man who is skilled with his hands. And who wouldn't want to gaze longingly into those blue eyes all night?

 

Why Kill? Because as Robert's bastard son, he brings with him a lot of drama and a healthy dose of danger. Killing him would be for the good of the realm.

 

 

 

Khal Drogo



Why Marry? Because he is a gifted warrior and has shown how devoted and generous a husband he can be.

 

Why F***? Because he has proven himself to be a very powerful yet tender lover.

 

Why Kill? Because the Dothraki are prone to violent fighting and spend their free time pillaging cities. Or because you're a maegi.

 

 

 

Loras Tyrell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Marry? Because he is, quite literally, a knight in shining armor; beautiful and skilled, Loras is beloved by many. Plus, he might be up for an "open" relationship, if that's your thing.

 

Why F***? Because every girl in the Seven Kingdoms wants a piece, and how great would it be to be the one who actually gets to bed him?!

 

Why Kill? Because Loras is a little too full of himself, and the toll his heart has taken due to Renly's death could make him a bit too unpredictable.

 

 

 

 

Our Picks

 

Cedar: Marry Loras, F*** Gendry, Kill Khal Drogo

Erin: Marry Gendry, F*** Khal Drogo, Kill Loras

Jamie: Marry Khal Drogo, F*** Gendry, Kill Loras

Renly Baratheon / Robert Baratheon / Stannis Baratheon

Renly Baratheon

Why marry? Because you want a nice (if somewhat foolish) husband who will probably let you have something on the side if you will permit him the same luxury.

Why f***? Because you’re a gay man. (Also, he’s certainly easy on the eyes; he has the Ser Loras seal of approval.)

Why kill? Because you're a mysterious magical shadow born of a foreign sorceress.

Robert Baratheon

Why marry? Because he’s a king, which comes with its perks. And while he’ll almost certainly not be loyal to you, chances are if you’re not a venomous hag like Cersei Lannister then he won’t be terrible to you or your children. 

Why f***? Because if you’re a woman in Westeros, he’s probably already gotten to you anyway. (Besides, he’s probably picked up a few tricks in his bedroom/brothel adventures.)

Why kill? Because you’re a wild boar. 

Stannis Baratheon

Why marry? Because there’s something to be said for stability and security. Stannis is about as stable and secure (also: boring) as they come.

Why f***? Because of these three options, you just want to pick the one that would be over with the fastest.

Why kill? Because he’s a pompous, stubborn jackass.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Renly, F*** Stannis, Kill Robert
Erin: Marry Renly, F*** Stannis, Kill Robert 
Jamie: Marry Renly, F*** Stannis, Kill Robert