Daenerys Targaryen / Jon Snow / Tyrion Lannister

Daenerys

Why Marry? Because while the Mother of Dragons may be calculating and violent in her desire to reclaim her birthright, she is nevertheless compassion, wise, even-keeled, and cares deeply for those who are loyal to her. She is also hailed as the most beautiful woman in the world: looks aren’t everything, but they sure don’t hurt.

Why F***? Because this ravishing beauty likes it hot… though probably hotter than you would be comfortable with, actually.

Why Kill? Because “the Targaryens have always danced too close to madness… madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a Targaryen is born, the gods toss a coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t like them odds.

Jon

Why Marry? Because while his past may be murky, his future is clearly with you. Jon is that tragic, broken hero we all believe we can fix—he’s angsty and emo, yet strong and intelligent. Like his father, Jon has honor that knows no bounds, and he would bravely dedicate his life to serving and protecting you. Also, he comes with a great big fluffy puppy!

Why F***? Because once you go black (brother) you never go back.

Why Kill? Because he just keeps going on, and on, and on about his vows. Yes, we know Jon, you’re “a man of the Night’s Watch”—it’s not that big a deal. Shut up!

Tyrion

Why Marry? Because you want a well-born, sophisticated man who can discuss books, politics, and fine wines as easily as he can crack a bawdy joke. He has demonstrated tremendous intelligence, bravery, and compassion. He is also loyal to those close to him: despite being the black sheep of the Lannister clan, Tyrion prides himself on “never betting against family.”

Why F***? Because you like to get a little impish between the sheets.

Why Kill? Because he’s a noseless dwarf who’s pissed off a whole lot of powerful people: allying with him may not be a particularly savvy move.

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Daenerys, F*** Jon, Kill Tyrion
Erin: Marry Jon, F*** Danenerys, Kill Tyrion
Jamie: Marry Tyrion, F*** Daenerys, Kill Jon

Eddard Stark / Jon Snow / Robb Stark

Eddard Stark

Why Marry? Because in terms of husbands, you can really do no better than Eddard Stark. He’s loyal, contemplative, and a good family man.

Why F***? Because we’ve known him to leave Catelyn quite fulfilled. And even if he’s not the most creative in the bedroom, he would feel it his duty to satisfy you.

Why Kill? Because you’re a monster with no heart and an evil soul… or a Lannister.

Jon Snow

Why Marry? Because he needs someone to heal his wounded heart. Though years of inferiority in the Stark household have taken its toll, Jon is also kind, intelligent, loyal, and, if his relationship with Arya is any indication, great with kids!

Why F***? Because you’re an idiot if you don’t want to bang Jon Snow. I mean, who doesn’t want to be the one to f*** the pain away? Plus he has that whole tall, dark, and handsome thing going for him.

Why Kill? Because sometimes too much loyalty, bravery, and sense of duty can get annoying. It’s the same impulse that makes us want to see Miss America trip during her victory walk.

Robb Stark

Why Marry? Because if Westeros were to have a Prince Charming, Robb is a strong contender for the title.

Why F***? Because who wouldn’t want to say they slept with the King of the North? Amiright?

Why Kill? Because he’s a little big for his britches. I mean, can you honestly say you haven’t wanted to knock him down a peg? Not ever?

Our Picks

Cedar: Marry Ned, F*** Jon, Kill Robb
Erin: Marry Jon, F*** Ned, Kill Robb
Jamie: Marry Ned, F*** Jon, Kill Robb